The Beginning

Source: leilockheart.me via Karene on Pinterest

How do you know when your life will come to a screaching halt?  Well it's my experience that you don't.  No one can tell you how to feel, how to feel about how you feel, what to do when the rug is pulled out from under your feet and what tomorrow will bring.  During the grief process you can either choose to bury it or go through it.  It's taken me 26 years to get to this point. I'm in no way a counselor.  I'm not qualified to tell you how you should feel, or what will be your next move.  That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it.  I started this blog to listen, to learn and to scream out some of my experiences.  Losing a child is not the natural order of things.  One doesn't ever think that they will have to experience the loss of a child.  After all the law of averages is expected to be followed.

The beginning of every project is the hardest to fullfill.  How do I get started?  What will I say that will be worthwhile hearing?  Can I make a difference in anyone's life?  Do I want to make a difference in anyone's life?  Should I make a difference in anyone's life?  I don't know the answers to any of these questions.  I just know that I feel driven to write this book, to bring to full circle all my experiences on this journey.  If someone finds any of the words helpful than so be it.  I believe that God is going to use my experience to reach someone, even if it's only one mother to know that it's okay to feel what your feeling, to do what your doing, to shed the tears that your sheding and to cling on to the hope that your hoping.  It's okay to talk, to speak about the pain, the memories, the anger and the heartache that you're feeling today, that you felt yesterday and the resolution that you might succomb to at any given moment.  It's okay for you to be a mother. 

Yes the beginning of the project is always the hardest.  When you teach something to someone the first lesson is always the hardest because there is zero understanding at that moment.  By the time you get to the end of the project you can share the joy of the journey.  That is what my desire is for this book, to share the ending, the joy of the project. 

May all your journeys be a continuous journey, and that although painful at the beginning there will be a joy along the way.