The Circle Continues

Source: imdb.com via Emily on Pinterest

This morning I get the pleasure of going to my Grandson's eight grade graduation.  Many times over the years he has reminded me of Louis.  Well, we're all related so we all resemble each other in some ways.  He's all boy, vivacious, walks on walls, and every narrow path.  Louis was all of that even though most times sick and didn't feel like it.  I wonder what kind of man he would have grown up to be.  I have three grandsons and three granddaughters so it seems and equal amount of hormones floating in the air.

Sometimes I look back and think of how thrilled Louis would have been to have a nephew.  He would have been glad to play cars with him or to help him make a bike jump in the desert land that John lives on.  Now, today John has taken one more step to becomming a grown up.  He's graduating from Jr. High oh boy and all the next road adventures are on the way. 

The learning to drive, the first serious girl friend, the deciding what he wants to be when he grows are all decisions he might face during these next four years.  Louis never had to face these decisions.  I can see the good and the bad in that statement.  It took me an eternity to get to this point, but in retrospect John is only 13 soon to be 14 so that's how many years it's taken me. 

I'm thinking of the opportunities that we are missing at our untimely departure.  Louis didn't get to learn to drive a car, have his first serious girl friend or enjoy having a nephew.  As a matter of fact going back to the look, I remember one in his hospital bed during those final days.  I was on the cot that I spent many hours on, next to him.  The Iv's were raging, the machines beeping, both of us tuning them out.  We were watching Wheel of Fortune and Louis looked over at me, "I'll never have children."  Nine years old, so wise.  I quietly reached out my hand and squeezed his fingers.  I didn't want to acknowledge his wiseness.  I just wanted to be his mom.

Today I will watch my grandson take another step toward manhood.  He will be one step closer in the big circle.  I'm proud of him because he's struggled along the way.  He's the only boy in a family of sisters.  We come from a long family of looks, a glance here and there, that tells a mother and a grandmother what they are thinking, where their hearts are for the moment.  Today I will be looking for that look.  If I'm studious I might get a glimpse of the past.