Saturday, May 19, 2012
Getting the Pink in My Heart
Well, it's Saturday again, pink, red, rosy hot today and I'm in a Starbucks, the cool of the morning,
the joggers the bike riders and the coffee drinkers are all here with me. This morning I observed my daughter and what it's like to have small children close together in age. There isn't time to just relax and enjoy the joggers, the bikers or the coffee at a Starbucks. There's diapers to be changed and breakfast to be served. When one gets his breakfast the other one decides it's time for the bottle. Whew, what a work out. Thanks pink lovers for enjoying my picture and my blog a couple of Saturday's ago. I'm partial to pink and love to express the joy of the pink on many occasions.
I started thinking of all the meanings of the color pink and what can be done with the color today. I went on the internet our favorite search engine and started looking up all the definitions of pink. Of course one of the first of those searches revealed what Wikapedia has to say about pink. Now in college I was never allowed to use this website because I was never told why just that I couldn't use it. However I believe in this case they hit it on the nailhead. They describe pink as being just a hint of red. I suppose in most cases that would be true but what if you are looking at hot pink, a darker shade, magenta which could be a mixture of white and red to bring that purple hue. Anyway you look at it pink has been the favorite color of little girls and many women for years.
I've been trying to get my heart back to the color of red, a deeper shade of pink. You see when my son passed away I describe the draining of the heart as having the blood drained and the color absent. The loss of pink, the absense of color. Today, I'm able to look at the color and to understand that it takes a great deal of time to replenish the heart. Time is a healer of the rosy color. When the life is drained from your body you don't see the color of pink, or green, or red, or blue. You just see the blank color of the world, the black and white of it.
The world is full of well wishers who want to help. Most of the time I found that their words did not help and certainly did not heal. Words like, "You'll be okay, you'll get over it, He's in a better place, You have other children, You'll see it will be okay, You can have another baby, Time will heal you, God is always there, when He closes a door, He opens a window. There is an endless parade of well wishng words, which in my opinion do not even penetrate the hardness of the darkness that we succomb to. The heart is shattered and it's going to take a lot more pink moments to overcome the black and white of it. It's going to take a lot more rosy smiles to replace the black and white. Hell it's taken me twenty six years to even get back to a pink Saturday, to come to a Starbucks and actually smile, look at the bikeriders, the coffee drinkers and enjoy all the pink moments I had with my little boy.
On this Saturday, I'm tresuring that I can look back on the bike rides, the baseball, the school work, the friends, the glances, the kisses goodnight, the stories, the little white lies, the adventures and the hugs of a nine year old. I can look back on the baby cries, the bottles being fed and the diapers being changed. I can give thanks to the nine years that he was in my life and I can get back to the pink of it instead of the stark colors of the black and white.
On this Saturday my day is filled with the pink love of a mother. Hot pink, light pink, magenta and red. The heart is full of the joy of the pinkness of the day! Enjoy you're Saturday.
I'm linking to Pink Saturday.